I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
