Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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