Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
