he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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