Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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