If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
