someone threw a dead crab at me
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
