Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
