Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
