Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
