my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
