Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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