well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
