He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
