We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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