he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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