During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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