He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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