My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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