So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
