I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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