so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
