Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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