I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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