FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
