chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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