I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
