u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
