I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
