I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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