Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
