you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize