That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
