I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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