I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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