I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize
