Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
