I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
