Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
