I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
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stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
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Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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