I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
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It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
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You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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