your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
