He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
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He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
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I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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