she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
