I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
