True but thats because hes a fetus.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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