It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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