How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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