I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
