The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
