How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
