she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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