We're like a lot better than the average bears
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
