the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
