I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
