I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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