3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
