im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
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