So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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