So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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