I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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