I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
