He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
