I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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