she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
