someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
