I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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