I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
