U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
