isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
