that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
As shirtless as possible
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
