he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
