so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
