Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
